Season Topic: The Many Facets of Forgiveness
This is part two of the discussion on forgiving God for allowing our child to die. If you missed part one, you will want to go back and listen to episode 7.
We start out by picking up where we left off in talking about the big question of “WHY?” and I share how you can turn a corner so that “why” doesn’t continue to plague you.
God’s favor
In this episode we talk about what it really means to have God’s favor, along with the difference of a “wonderful plan” for our lives and being full of wonder at how God is with us through the blessings and the painful tragedies.
It is not what God will do, but that God will BE.
During grief, people either move toward God or away from Him. But when we move away from Him, we are moving away from the One who can help us the most.
I deeply encourage you to make the same choice to forgive God that I have asked you to make to forgive your child and others (including yourself). There is no prayer written out to forgive God like I gave in the first six episodes with those we need to forgive. This is one that you need to say from your heart, and once again, visit it over and over again, until it takes root and you can lean on Him instead of stiff arming and pushing Him away.
Reminder: God made sure that this world is not our final destination!
We will eventually be reunited with our child, never to be separated again. And THAT is something a good God has done for us!
Birthdays
Calvin Joseph Kendricks Jr. was born on June 17 and is forever 28
I would love to announce your child’s birthday. Click here to fill out the short form with the needed information. And be sure to let other bereaved parents know that their child can be celebrated with our listeners!
The full song I Remember Well (which is the background song during the birthday segment) can be heard here.
Links referred to in this episode
Since we have just finished the first series. I would really appreciate your feedback, because this podcast is for YOU! What did you like or not like about it? What topic would you like to have discussed? Is there something I can do to make it better?
Would love to hear from you. Leave a comment on the page with the show notes here, or email me directly at laura@gpshope.org
GPS Hope Retreat: If you would like to get away for 
a weekend in a beautiful setting with myself and Dave and a small group of just 12 bereaved parents, make sure you check out our retreat scheduled in October.
Give Hope to Others: If GPS Hope has brought you hope and light in your grief journey, please consider helping us reach more grieving parents who find themselves hurled onto this same unwanted path. Click here to support GPS Hope monthly or to give a special gift.
And please remember to Hold On Pain Eases, there is HOPE!
You are safe here. No masks needed…
Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose. This is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgement in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.
To have Laura come and speak or sing at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.
Laura,
Thank you, I needed this today…just waking up some days it hits instantly out of no where…I am grateful for your series and I didn’t think I was angry with God and I am not ..it’s been more of what you touched on that I needed to hear and be reminded of how I reach or pull away…the overall bigger perspective and picture of this tragedy…the fact that our children can be honored by living ourselves and not choosing any more death from this…no more spiritual stagnation…it is a choice to be made ..an effort to seek healing and restoration through His Word and fellow journeymen on this unwanted path of grief, when I’d rather give up or go numb……you are helping me so much Laura and give God all the Glory, you amaze me in your fortitude during your own personal events going on right now…you are in my prayers and thoughts…May God Bless and pour our His Mighty Love and Peace into the Living waters and May He refresh you as you continue to pour our His message to those that are in so much pain and heartache…
Heidi, I am so glad this helped you. I know you are in the very early days of this journey, so be prepared for “set backs” and rough days when you thought you were finally doing better. That is very typical and there is nothing wrong with you. Just keep going, one day at a time, and stay connected with those of us who are ahead of you on this path. (And thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers during this time of earthly goodbyes to my dad from this earth.)
I thought I was past this but this episode brought back all those feelings I had after my son passed. You talked about God’s favor. I know some Christian people who seem to be very blessed by God. They have not had to suffer any type of tragedy that I’m aware of. I want to know WHY?! What makes them so special? I want to know WHY? WHY MY SON?! Dominic had the most sensitive heart and loved people. I hear about and read about stories of other people or other children that had brain cancer and God healed them. The tumor miraculously disappeared. There was a family of a little girl who had terminal brain cancer and God healed her. The parents were rejoicing and praising God and saying that he was starting a revival with their daughter. I try not to be envious because I don’t like jealousy but I am. Why didn’t my son or your daughter or anyone else’s child receive a miracle? What made that child more worthy of God’s healing? Why wasn’t my son worthy of his healing, mercy and grace? God took everything from Dominic. He couldn’t even talk to anyone towards the end. He lost the ability to speak. I prayed so much for my son and none of my prayers were answered. NOT ONE! Two days before my son passed I went to see him and he did something he had not done in awhile. As I was getting ready to leave I kissed him on the cheek and said I love you Dominic. I’ll see you tomorrow. He reached out to me as if he wanted to hug me. I leaned over and hugged him and told him once more I love you. HOW I WISH I WOULD HAVE STAYED AND NOT LEFT HIM!! The next time I saw him his breathing was rapid because his body was putting all his strength into breathing. A few hours later he was gone. The last time I saw him was after he passed. His lifeless body laying on the bed. God took everything from him. He took his sight, strength, his ability to talk, eat, drink and lastly his life.
Vickie, I hear your pain, and I hurt for you!!! And I TOTALLY understand the painful stabbing when we hear parents sharing a testimony of how their child received a healing, saying how good God is because they got their prayer answered. “Why didn’t I get that testimony???” What did I do wrong?” One thing I think we mistake is what God’s favor looks like. We think favor is not going through tragedies, having our prayers answered with healings, etc. We say we are blessed and highly favored when life is going good. And when something bad happens, someone is to blame… it is either us or God. But God’s ultimate favor (I believe) is to have opportunities to know Him intimately. If we gave our kids everything they wanted, just so that they would see us as a good parent and not ever be mad at us, we know that wouldn’t really be the case in what it means to be a good parent. They would love us for what they can get from us, not based on a relationship of ups and downs, and our protecting them from things they cannot see or understand, even when they get angry at us. So much of what we have to learn to do is based on perspective. The last time I saw Becca, she was in the hospital, scheduled to be released the next morning. We enjoyed our visit, and I left with both of us giving each other the “I LOVE YOU” hand sign. Later, I felt like something wasn’t right, got in my car and headed to the hospital an hour away. While driving, I received a call that her heart had stopped and the doctors were trying to get it going. They were unable to, and I ended up there seeing her body. Now I can chose to beat myself up that I didn’t get there soon enough, that I should have stayed instead of going back home, be upset that I wasn’t there with her when she died, etc. and completely torture myself with that. OR I can chose to be so very thankful for that last encounter I had with her, even though I didn’t know it was the last time I would see her alive here on this earth. I didn’t know it – and you didn’t know it. Sure, we might be able to look back and think we had signals and we should have paid more attention (which is definitely the case for me!). I can chose to be angry that God didn’t answer my prayer to heal her, or I can chose to be thankful that He loved me and Becca so much that He made a way for this separation to only be temporary, and the next time I see her we will be together again, FOREVER! With none of the crappy things of this earth to affect us any more, ever again. But after saying all of this, Vickie, it is a PROCESS! These decisions have to be made over and over again. And sometimes we do, and sometimes we just stay mad! That’s okay. Grief makes us angry, and confused, and flaky and fickle. I believe that isn’t really us, it is the grief that takes over, and we have to dig ourselves out, not knowing who we will be on the other side of this. And that is scary because we know we will be a different person. Will we become a bitter person because we no longer have our children here with us, or will we become a better because of the life of our children and we want them to be so proud of us when we see them standing next to Jesus when it is our turn. Hugs to you, as we continue to walk this journey together!
Thank you Laura. I understand what you are saying. I do want to be a better person I don’t want to be bitter. I’m not sure what it was in this episode that caused me to break down like I did but I haven’t cried that hard since Dominic passed. I couldn’t stop and I was desperately trying to before I made it to work. I didn’t want people asking me what was wrong and if I’m okay because that would have just made things worse. I really do want an intimate relationship with God I’m just not sure how to make it happen. I think part of the problem is I have never seen God as a father or daddy as a lot of christians do. I have always looked at God as God not as a father that you can have an intimate relationship with. And I think that’s because I don’t have a good relationship with my earthly father. My dad is an alcoholic (he quit drinking several years ago but still has that attitude) and he was always mentally and emotionally abusive to my mom as well as me and my brother. There are other reasons to but I’m not going to get into all the details. So I have never been able to look at God in that way. I would like to but I’m not really sure where to start. I keep having this thought pop into my mind about taking a weekend and just getting away. Somewhere that I can be isolated away from all the distractions of home and leave my cell phone. And spend some time reading my Bible and praying. Alone time just me and him. I’m not sure if it’s my idea or if God is putting this thought in my mind. All I know is I need to figure this out because I really do want an intimate relationship with him and to know what a father’s love is. I would like to feel like I can call him daddy.
Do it! As you know, I went on that cruise, and it was so good, just time with me and God. No distractions, no running away, just being with Him and allowing Him to be with me and all my tears and pain. Only He can fully heal those wounds and break through to be who you long for and need Him to be in your life. And you may just find He comes to you in ways you didn’t even know you needed. Either way, just keep pursuing Him and doing what you can. He is gentle and good, and He is not in a hurry. You will discover that more and more as you do what you can to draw near to Him. No expectations, on yourself or on Him… just BE with Him.