“There is no magical age when the death of our child doesn’t affect us in a very deep and profound way. Whether the child died in the womb or was in their sixties, the wrongness of their death causes trauma, and we are never the same.” (Laura Diehl – When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life With Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child)
We bristle when someone who has never lost a child starts a sentence with, “At least….” And yet most of us can’t help but compare the loss of our child with someone else’s loss of their child, convinced that our loss is worse because…
How can we get past that and not allow a root of bitterness add to the intense pain and darkness we have found ourselves hurled into? This is the topic of today’s discussion between Laura and her guest, Sara Nelson, who lost her only child, taking with it any possibility of having grandchildren.
Sara Faith Nelson taught elementary and middle school 
grades for 15 years. Now she enjoys pursuing her love of writing. The primary focus of her writing has always leaned toward themes of hope, faith, and trust in the goodness of God. Since the death of her daughter and only child, she writes about her grief journey and surviving a devastating loss. She continues to write about trusting in God’s goodness and grace while grappling with the hard questions. Sara and her husband, Dennis, live in Arizona.
(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.)
Links Mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Sara Nelson: writingsmiles2@gmail.com
Sara’s book on Amazon: Footsteps of Hope
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Hi Laura, This podcast was excellent. A subject that really pulls at my heartstrings. I can so identify with the conversation between you and Sara. Thank You
Michele, thanks for letting me know. My heart hurts for those of you who have lost all your children…
This was really good. I have to say I have a friend that told me once not to be angry with her for saying that Dominic got the highest form of healing. Which I guess she meant that since God chose not to heal him physically and instead took him to heaven where his body is whole and he isn’t suffering that, that was the best healing anyone could receive. Sara made the comment that she was glad that her daughter didn’t have any children because she would have had to watch them grieve the loss of their mother. But honestly I wish Dominic would have had a child because then we would have a little piece of him here with us. I have heard you say many times Laura that one thing we could think about is that our children don’t have to go through the pain of losing their parents. I don’t really understand that because either way whether we lose a child and have to deal with that pain or a child loses a parent and has to deal with that pain someone is going to have to deal with the grief of losing a loved one. As we become adults we know that day is coming when we will lose our parents. Does it make it any easier? No, but we know as our parents age that day is coming. We don’t expect it with our children. She also said she was glad she didn’t have other children because she would have had to watch them grieve the loss of their sister and how hard that would have been. I know there were many times I wished and sometimes still do wish that God would have taken me and left Dominic here with his brothers and sister. It was hard to watch them grieve the loss of their brother. You talked with her about not getting to say goodbye. I guess I did get to say goodbye in a way but I didn’t know it was goodbye. Dominic passed away on a Saturday. I went to see him on Thursday before he passed away on Saturday. He had not spoke or given me a hug since he had become bedridden from the cancer but that day he reached out to me to give me a hug. I hugged him back and told him I loved him and would be back tomorrow to see him. I think he knew his time was short and he was saying goodbye. You’re right everyone’s grief or experience is different. Even though I knew in my head that Dominic was going to die I held out hope that he was going to be miraculously healed. So much so that I would always envision him sitting up in his bed laughing and talking every time I would go see him but of course he never was. But I held onto hope even the day he died sitting by his bed and praying for a miracle. So even though I knew it was going to happen it was like it still was unexpected. You said there was a mom that told you she would have rather lost her child quickly than watch the slowly die from a terminal illness and I have to say I agree with her. I think I would have rather lost Dominic quickly than to watch him slowly die from cancer with him knowing he was going to die and me knowing that he cried and said he didn’t want to die. The pain of watching him die and the pain of knowing he cried and said he didn’t want to die is a lot to deal with and sometimes seems really unbearable.
Hi Vickie. I can tell this episode gave you a lot of mixed thoughts and emotions. You are right, we each have a different journey, and something that is a comfort to one person may be very painful for someone else. Thanks for being open to share these thoughts!