One day I got to thinking about “finding God’s good, better, and perfect will” for my life. I realized that if God created someone specifically for me to marry, I probably missed it.
You see, I was enrolled to go to Northwestern Christian College, which is where I would have/should have met my husband, right? I ended up getting pregnant my summer out of high school, and didn’t go to college. I met my husband Dave shortly after that, and we got married when my little one was 2 years old. He adopted her, and we eventually had 4 more children.
OK… so… was Dave the man God made specifically for me, or not? Did God cause (or allow) the pregnancy to make sure I stayed home to meet him? If I hadn’t stayed home because of being pregnant and gone on to college, how would God have kept me from falling in love with and marrying the “wrong” person, and gotten me to come back home to meet Dave?
Maybe God’s original “perfect” plan was that I was supposed to go off to college, come back after 4 years, meet Dave, and get married a year or two later (but my getting pregnant and staying home just sped up the process). Although in actuality, Dave would not have been around by then because he was offered a job to work for the Pentagon after college, which he didn’t take because we were dating and he decided he wanted to stay put and ask me to marry him. So, if he had not met me and taken the job, would God have brought him back here somehow for us to meet?
OR does that mean my sin and getting pregnant caused me to not go to the college where I should have met the man God made just for me, and Dave was actually God’s Plan B for my life? So that caused Dave to miss the woman created for him to marry by not going out to DC, which means I was also God’s Plan B for him?
And now there is a woman who was created for Dave that is living out God’s Plan B for her life, and the man I was supposed to marry is also living out God’s Plan B for his life, since I never went to college to meet him. That also means the woman my “perfect Plan A” husband eventually married, is also living out God’s Plan B because she married a man who was created for me to marry, but I missed it. Do you see how crazy this can get?
If that were the case, it would mean my entire adult life has been lived outside of God’s perfect will for me because I missed marrying the man He created for me whom I probably should have met at Northwestern Christian College! It would mean my children and grandchildren are alive on this earth because I missed God’s perfect plan for my life.
I have come to learn from our teacher, the Holy Spirit, that so often we put too much pressure on ourselves to find God’s “perfect” will for our lives, forgetting the blessing He gave us of free will to choose!
The person you marry is your choice, with the only requirement not to be 
unequally yoked spiritually. If you are in love with God and walking out your relationship with Him, He will direct you in a choice that will be a wonderful life-long partner, best friend, lover, and soul mate for you. (I am quite happy to say that is the blessing I have!) If you don’t bring Him in on your choice, there will probably be things in your marriage that will be much rougher than it would have been with God’s guidance, but once you are married, God can still work in your life within the choice you made!
In so many circumstances we pressure ourselves to figure out the exact choice of God’s absolute perfect will, like which job to take? I believe most of the time He is saying, “I gave you a free will for a reason! Pick the one you want, and I will work in your life within that choice!” Does He already know what we will choose? Yes, of course, but He gives us free will to make those choices.
Are there times He has something specific for us? Yes, I fully believe so, and if we are seeking Him, He will guide us in the necessary direction.
But to say God has created one specific person for each of us to marry is not scriptural, and it adds tons of pressure to find him or her. It also puts false expectations into a marriage of how wonderful and easy it is going to be, and when things get rough, we can start to question whether or not we married that Plan A person created just for us. (And what if something horrible happens, like our spouse has an affair? God knew that was going to happen, and yet that is the person He created specifically for me to marry?)
What about the unsaved? Does God create a specific mate only for Christians, and the unsaved are left in the dark to marry whomever they want? Or are they forced to use luck to find that one person, since they don’t have God directing them?
I can’t imagine anyone more perfect for me than Dave. God has so wonderfully given us the desires of our hearts in each other! But I don’t believe God is honoring that because He created Dave with the specific purpose of being my husband, or vice versa. It is because we allowed God to help us choose each other over 30 years ago, and we continue to choose each other throughout this life, staying committed to God and to each other in our marriage.
If you are struggling with a choice, and have been waiting for God to reveal His perfect will, I encourage you to use the blessing of choice, and choose a direction based on what you prefer. Then take a step in that direction, continuing to seek Him for guidance. If it is something He does not want for you, He will be faithful to let you know in some way. At that point, you can stop and take a different direction. If it truly is a matter of God saying, “Pick what you want, and I will work in you through that choice” then taking that step means you will be on your way with His blessing.
How about you? Is there a time you can look back and see where God allowed you to choose?
Agreed! We are given free will and His puppets on strings. We can go a bit nuts second guessing constantly is this His perfect will?? We forget that the WORD gives us the keys to His perfect will for all of us. If we’d follow those first, so many other choices in our lives would fall into place w/the direction of the Holy Spirit. Thank you for this reminder Laura!
So true. Terri. We have the Word as our first guide, as keys to His will and to walk out His Kingdom here on earth.