Who is to blame?

We all have things happen to us that are unfair; things that are just plain wrong.

Our natural tendency is to find who is to blame for it. We want to take our anger out on someone, and we can hold on to that anger and blame for days, months, years, or even a life time.

If our anger and blame go deep enough, we will even hate that other person. And when we refuse to let go of that anger and hate, it eventually spills over into other areas of our lives. We become a cynical, bitter, and resentful person.

When you blame someone for something, you give them the power to run your life and you disempower yourself. You are making something they did in the past be responsible for the events in your life now. When you make someone else responsible, you are unable to respond on your own to make the shift.

Response – ability. Responsibility is the ability to respond. You can’t accept the ability to respond when someone else is in control (by blaming them) because that person becomes the force who shapes your life.

I am not saying that person is not responsible for the bad thing (or absolutely horrendous thing) that was done to you. But continuing to blame them for the way you are now, is keeping that person in the driver’s seat of your life.

Let’s look at it this way. Your beliefs drive your thoughts. Your thoughts drive your emotions. Your emotions drive your actions. In other words, when you take an action (or react) to something, it is because of your emotions. The emotions that you have are a result of your thoughts. And your thoughts come from what you believe.

It doesn’t matter if that belief is the truth or not. Believing a lie is just as powerful as believing the truth.

Can you think of a time when you were in the exact same situation with someone, and yet both of you had a totally different view of whatever happened? I know that has happened to me several times, as my mom and I discuss conversations we had or events that happened as I was growing up. My perspective as a child is completely different than my mom’s as the parent. I am now finding the same thing to be true with me and my children. At times I am shocked to find out something I did with love ended up wounding them, because as a child, they couldn’t see the full picture – the “why” – like I could.

If we believe that keeping the pain of the wound of how someone hurt us will punish that person, we are very mistaken. All we are doing is crippling ourselves. Not only that, we are usually poisoning those around us with bitterness, anger, resentment, etc. as it surfaces in places that don’t even make sense to why we are reacting the way we are.

And what about God? Sometimes deep inside we can resent God, blaming Him for allowing this horrible thing to happen to us. How can God really be good? The answer to that question can have an entire book written about it (and there probably are a few out there). But for me, the simplest answer is that God is not a magic genie in a lamp that we can rub and get our wishes from. If that were the case, I would be bigger than God, because I could make Him do what I wanted Him to do. I don’t want a god so small that I can order him around. I want my God to be able to see the big picture, and be in complete control, both now, and for eternity! And that means I might not understand it or agree with it (just like a child and a parent…hmmm… maybe He really is a perfect Father…)

So, if believing a lie is just as powerful as believing the truth, how do we know if we are believing the lie or the truth?

Because the truth sets you FREE!

No person, or what they have done to me, is powerful enough to keep me chained to my past, stopping me from going forward in freedom. The only powers great enough to keep me from living out my kingdom inheritance here on earth are the lies and deception that someone else is to blame for my thoughts and my actions. And it is the same with you.

I once heard a story of twin boys who grew up with a very abusive drunkard as their father. One of them became a very successful business man, the other became a drunkard. When someone asked each of them what they attributed the direction of their life to, they both had the exact same answer. “What do you expect with a dad like mine?”

If you refuse to work through the pain of your past, not letting go of what was done to you, you will remain stuck to your past, and will never be able to come into the fullness of life, joy, peace, and everything else God has for you.

Obviously, if you choose (and yes, you can choose) to stop blaming someone in your past for continuing to make you who you are today, all of those things will begin to unfold in your life (fullness of life, joy, peace, and everything else God has for you). You will stop feeling like you just exist in a shell, holding on day-to-day trying to survive. You will begin to thrive.

And it will not only affect you directly, but will have a ripple effect. You will be leaving a legacy of love and fullness of life, not one of defeat with no purpose, blaming someone else for what you did or did not do with your life.

If you have spent your life blaming someone in your past for the life you are living now, ask God to give you the desire to release them. Then ask Him for the strength and grace you need to grab ahold of your own life and start taking responsibility for the way you respond and the decisions you make, no matter what others have done to you in the past.

No one is to blame for those things but yourself… remember, the truth will set you FREE!