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Episode 12: Facing Our Fears after the Death of Our Child

This is the first episode in a series of seven, discussing our fears after the death of our child.

Fear brings torment, and as parents grieving the earthly loss of our child, it is easy to feel the full weight of that torment. But there is something much more powerful than our deepest fears; God’s love for us!

If we live in fear, it is because we doubt His perfect love, which is understandable because it is hard to reconcile in our minds how we can trust a God who says He loves us, and yet allowed this terrible thing to happen to our child and to us.

In this episode, Laura shares seven ways to help make a shift in how you see God in the midst of your fears, caused by the pain of the tragedy of the death of your child.

Pastor Lynn Breeden will be joining Laura for the following six episodes. Lynn lost her five-year-old son, Joel, to cancer over 30 years ago and has such a deep wealth of experience to draw on, along with so much compassion and love for those on this road behind her.

The specific fears Laura and Lynn will be discussing in the next few weeks are

  • Being afraid no one will remember your child
  • The fear and guilt of enjoying life without our child
  • Afraid of having another child die
  • The fear of grief triggers
  • Being afraid that we are losing our minds or going crazy
  • The tormenting fear of not knowing if my child is in heaven or not

We don’t have to live in fear, because God truly is with each one of us, and someday we will get to see the whole picture that we are very blinded to right now.

You can be set free from your fears.

Birthdays
  • Jessica Lynn Sxerlong was born on July 9 and is forever 30
  • Stephanie Waters was born on July 10 and is forever 21
  • Everardo Martinez was born on July 11 and is forever 19
  • Clifford Patrick Keenan Jr was born on July 11 and is forever 24

I would love to announce your child’s birthday. Click here to fill out the short form with the needed information. And be sure to let other bereaved parents know that their child can be celebrated with our listeners!

The full song I Remember Well (which is the background song during the birthday segment) can be heard here.

Links referred to in this episode:

To get in on the early bird price before August 1, or to find out more about the GPS Hope retreat, click here.

We are putting our itinerary together. If you live in Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, Arizona, Utah, Nevada (Las Vegas area), Utah, Colorado, Kansas, or Nebraska and want to see if we can get together with you, a small group, or set up a conference or retreat, email us at office@gpshope.org.

Give Hope to Others: If GPS Hope has brought you hope and light in your grief journey, please consider helping us reach more grieving parents who find themselves hurled onto this same unwanted path. Click here to support GPS Hope monthly or to give a special gift.

And please remember to Hold On Pain Eases, there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

You are safe here. No masks needed…

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose. This is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgement in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

To have Laura come and speak or sing at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

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Losing a Grandchild

Most of us have a special place in our hearts for our grandparents. With six grandchildren myself (and number seven on the way), I can assure you the feelings are mutual. Grandchildren have a very special place in our hearts as well.

When a grandparent loses a grandchild from this earth, they get hit with a double whammy.  These precious grandparents face the personal loss of a big piece of their heart. But not only is there the intense pain of the hole in their heart that will never be filled, they have the added agony of watching their own child be plunged into an abyss of darkness, and there is nothing they can do about it.

Up until last summer, my husband and I were blessed to have all four of our parents still here on this earth. (Dave’s dad passed last July, and my dad passed last month), so all four of them were still here on earth when Becca died.

I am thankful I asked them a couple of years ago to share their thoughts with me about losing their granddaughter, because I have heard from several grandparents lately (some of them are the ones who found GPS Hope and connected their grieving adult child to us), and now I can share their thoughts with other grandparents.

I hope and pray their words bring hope and encouragement to any grandparents who have lost a grandchild and are reading this.

I’ll start with my mom. The death of my daughter, Becca, has caused me to lean on her, more than I ever have in life. And thankfully, she has been more than willing to allow me to do so.  The bond between a mother and daughter is a special one, and I praise God for the mom He has given to me.

Through all the things our family went through over the years, it was so hard to see my dearly loved, first grandchild, struggle, time after time after time.  But in some ways, it was even more difficult to watch my own daughter deal with crisis after crisis with Rebecca.  The worst was to stand by and see my precious daughter’s deep grief at the loss of her precious daughter, as she has tried to learn how to cope and adjust to that reality.

 How did I deal with all of this?   I cried and I prayed a lot, clinging to the only One who can really bring any comfort at a time like this.  I am thankful for the One who can express my heart to the Father, when I don’t really even know how to pray (per Romans 8:26). 

As the years go by, I see more and more glimpses of beauty coming from the ashes, gladness instead of mourning, and praise instead of the spirit of despair (to paraphrase Isaiah 61:3).   Life will never be the same, and there will always be sad moments, but life for the most part can become joyful and happy again.  And that is the way that Becca would want it.

My dad was a pastor and a traveling evangelist in my growing up years, and his heart to see people come to know the love of Christ was deeply imbedded in him, even in his years of being home-bound with Parkinson’s. His thoughts have been on heaven for quite some time, even more so after his granddaughter went on ahead of him.

I am approaching this from a Christian’s point of view. Death is completely different when a Christian dies then when a non-Christian dies. I have experienced the emotion of both.

When we die in Christ, do we really die? The Scriptures tell us that we are alive in Jesus. We just leave this earth. We close the door to this earth and open the door to heaven to be with Jesus.

 Death can be bittersweet, because we always hate to lose the ones we love. It’s especially hard on the mother of a child. It’s hard on all of us. But for me, I try to look past the death, and see where she (Becca) is today. Death is one thing all of us are going to face. Each one of us is going to die, and we know there is nothing we can do about it. It is actually part of living.

 One of these days, and it might not be too long, I’m going to get to see her again. And I’m going to be able to walk around heaven with her, and with my other loved ones and friends I haven’t seen for many years who have gone there. I am going to get to see them again. And that will be a blessing.

And finally, some thoughts from my in-laws. Dave’s dad was a pastor for several years as well, and they were also missionaries in Poland and Australia after he retired. So they have seen a lot and have a strong faith in God through these tough times as well.

When you see your children struggle, you struggle, too, and you pray for them. It increases your prayer life. It’s hard watching them struggle with it. We just pray and help them through it.

When you get older, you look at it a little differently. I’m blessed to know that even though here, death separates us from our loved ones, up there, even death cannot separate us. I look forward to that, because I’ve got lots of ‘em up there. Knowing I am going to see them again softens the pain, but every time it leaves a mark.

 What’s that song we used to sing? When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be! We’ll get to see all the loved ones we’ve lost and we’ll get to see all of those we read about in the Bible and I get to see my Jesus. To me, it will be the most exciting day of my life!

The thought of losing one of my grandchildren can almost terrify me if I allow it (thinking about both my own pain of that precious grandchild being gone and watching one of my kids going through the loss of one of their children). I am very thankful to have the views of mine and Dave’s parents, to remind me that this world is only temporary, and we will be with them again.

After the death of my dad last month, I wrote a song. It seems appropriate to share the chorus here with you:

A lifetime here is not enough for us to be together,

So God has made a way for it to be forever.

But until that day comes

I won’t make it through by letting go,

But holding on tight to the memories I treasure.

This is not good-by, I’ll see you later.

If you would like to listen to Laura sing Together Forever click here.
The quotes from Becca’s grandparents were taken from the book From Ring Bearer to Pallbearer: Giving a Voice to Bereaved Siblings and Grandparents. If you would like a free PDF copy of this book, just click this link.

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

Laura is a national keynote speaker and has also been a workshop speaker for events such as The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences, along with being a guest on radio shows, podcasts and other media channels such as webinars with Open to Hope.

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

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Episode 11: Pregnancy and Infancy Loss (with Kelly Gerken)

Last week on episode 10, Laura and Kelly talked about the struggles we can have as believers in Christ, wondering where God is in the tragedy of the death of our children.

This week the discussion turns to pregnancy and infant loss. Kelly starts out by sharing why she doesn’t like to use the term “miscarriage,” and how important it is for these precious moms to have their loss of a child validated.

Much of their discussion is about some of the unique triggers and things parents deal with in early loss that those who lose an older child don’t deal with.

Other things touched on are:

  • Your other children when there is an early sibling loss
  • How fathers are often ignored or isolated in pregnancy loss
  • Ways to be able to have memories of your little one (even if the loss isn’t recent) to celebrate your child had life and he or she matters
  • Rainbow babies and fears in being pregnant again
  • The painful struggle of not being able to have more children after a loss

There is also time spent talking about how important it is to be able to talk about your child, and that incorporating their memory into your life is not wallowing or being crazy or being unhealthy. Acknowledging the lives of everyone we love just makes sense, no matter how long or how short their time here on earth was.

The discussion closes with sharing some personally helpful scriptures and a word of strong encouragement that God is walking with you through the dark valley of child loss.

 

Kelly Gerken is the founder of Sufficient Grace Ministries, serving thousands of grieving families worldwide since 2004, comforting others with the comfort she received in her time of grief. She is the mother of five children, three who dance in heaven, and two who fill her days with boyish antics on this earth. Kelly is a featured speaker at hospitals, churches, women’s groups, and a leader of educational seminars for hospital staff and caregivers. She is also a certified SGM Perinatal Loss Support Doula, building a comprehensive perinatal hospice birth and bereavement program to support bereaved families. Kelly’s book “Sufficient Grace” addresses many of the questions people ask in the face of tragedy.

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.) 
Birthdays

Each week I am honored to announce any birthdays for the coming week of our children who are no longer here on earth with us. This week’s podcast I don’t have any birthdays to announce.

I would love to announce your child’s birthday. Click here to fill out the short form with the needed information. And be sure to let other bereaved parents know that their child can be celebrated with our listeners!

The full song I Remember Well (which is the background song during the birthday segment) can be heard here.

Links referred to in this episode:

To connect with Kelly Gerken: Sufficient Grace Ministries

Click here to check out the GPS Hope & Healing Virtual Summit.

Find out more about The Comfort Cub.

 

And please remember to Hold On Pain Eases, there is HOPE!

I want to partner with GPS Hope financially to help reach more grieving parents.

 

You are safe here. No masks needed…

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose. This is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgement in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

To have Laura come and speak or sing at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

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Episode 10: Where is Your God Now? (with Kelly Gerken)

This talk with Kelly Gerken was so full of good stuff that instead of editing things out, it was turned into two separate episodes.

In this first half, Kelly shares her story about losing her twins, Faith and Grace, before they were born, along with her son Thomas six hours after his birth.

Then Laura and Kelly turn a corner as Kelly shares her struggle with the internal question, “Where is your God now?” and the whole issue of what it means to “have faith” when our prayers don’t get answered the way we thought they would or should. They also talk about how having faith and trusting God isn’t easy to do, especially in the midst of such a dark, horrific circumstance. Hebrews 11 is where much of the discussion seemed to land.

Another part of the discussion is how God’s grace plays a big part in our lives when our child dies, giving us what we need for each moment, when we are willing to reach out and receive it is as well. This is not based on our performance, including being a “good” Christian. It is based on His heart to be near to the brokenhearted, and His desire and ability to give peace in the midst of the pain.

 

Kelly Gerken is the founder of Sufficient Grace Ministries, serving thousands of grieving families worldwide since 2004, comforting others with the comfort she received in her time of grief. She is the mother of five children, three who dance in heaven, and two who fill her days with boyish antics on this earth. Kelly is a featured speaker at hospitals, churches, women’s groups, and a leader of educational seminars for hospital staff and caregivers. She is also a certified SGM Perinatal Loss Support Doula, building a comprehensive perinatal hospice birth and bereavement program to support bereaved families. Kelly’s book “Sufficient Grace” addresses many of the questions people ask in the face of tragedy.

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.) 
Birthdays
  • Lukas Christofferson was born on June 28 and is forever 19.

I would love to announce your child’s birthday. Click here to fill out the short form with the needed information. And be sure to let other bereaved parents know that their child can be celebrated with our listeners!

The full song I Remember Well (which is the background song during the birthday segment) can be heard here.

Links referred to in this episode:

To connect with Kelly Gerken: Sufficient Grace Ministries

Click here to check out the GPS Hope & Healing Virtual Summit.

For information about the retreat in Iowa in October, click here.

Find out more about the GPS Share & Care Support Groups.

And please remember to Hold On Pain Eases, there is HOPE!

I want to partner with GPS Hope financially to help reach more grieving parents.

You are safe here. No masks needed…

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose. This is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgement in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

To have Laura come and speak or sing at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

 

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Episode 9: Grief and the Workplace (with Ron Kelly)

This week Laura talks to Ron Kelly about a subject many of us are forced to deal with way too soon; going back to work when we are in such deep grief.

This was a very packed discussion and longer than the normal podcast, but well worth it. Some of the things covered on this subject are:

  • How do we deal with our colleagues that are ignorant or insensitive, or who ignore us?
  • How can bosses/managers and coworkers help?
  • What can we bereaved parents do, that will help us handle difficult situations better on our jobs as we are grieving?
  • The way grief affects businesses financially, which is why they should want and need to take this issue seriously (which led to mentioning the need of bereaved parents being added to the Family & Medical Leave Act)

Laura and Ron also talk a bit about false anger and blame and how men and women tend to grieve differently, which affects us at work as well.

Be sure to share this episode with others who would benefit from this information, both employees and employers, grievers and non-grievers, as it affects everyone at some time.

Glenn Kelly, or Ron to his friends, lost his sixteen-year-old son and only child in 2013 to a rare congenital heart defect. Today, he is the published author of several grief support books, a Grief Keynote and Workshop Presenter, Motivational Growth Speaker, and Business Grief Coach. He has discussed grief healing on CBS television, Trinity Broadcast Network, New York Cable TV, broadcast radio programs, universities, hospitals, and in such big businesses as Delta Air Lines and Coca-Cola. He has served as an Executive Board of Directors member with the Bereaved Parents of the USA, and as a Board of Advisors member with Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital in Memphis, TN, where his dear child passed away. First and foremost, however, today Ron remains the loving father of his late son, Jonathan Taylor Kelly.

(Note: The views and opinions of our guests outside of this podcast may not be in agreement with GPS Hope.) 
Birthdays
  • Beth Simmons Marsh was born on June 12 and is forever 58.
  • Joe Luzzo was born on June 18  and is forever 17.
  • Tony Posatiere was born on June 18 and is forever 38.
  • Alyssa Tyner was born on June 19 and is forever 2 ½.

I would love to announce your child’s birthday. Click here to fill out the short form with the needed information. And be sure to let other bereaved parents know that their child can be celebrated with our listeners!

The full song I Remember Well (which is the background song during the birthday segment) can be heard here.

Links referred to in this episode:

How to contact Ron Kelly or find out more about his books, etc.: rglennkelly.com

Click here to see the government page on the Parental Bereavement Act of 2017 (to add grieving the loss of a son or daughter to the FMLA. (You may also want to consider contacting your representatives in the senate, asking them to get it passed.)

Yes, I want to partner with GPS Hope financially to help us reach more grieving parents.

And please remember to Hold On Pain Eases, there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

You are safe here. No masks needed…

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose. This is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgement in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

To have Laura come and speak or sing at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

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