How to Handle Mother’s Day After Child Loss

As this weekend approaches, many of us feel something building inside us. Mother’s Day is coming. And for those of us walking through the loss of a child, knowing how to handle Mother’s Day after child loss is not simple. It is not something we can just “get through” the way others might expect. It is layered, complicated, and often filled with emotions that seem to contradict each other.

If you are feeling that weight, you are not alone.

When the Day Feels Different Now

Mother’s Day used to mean something different. It may have once been a day of celebration, laughter, cards and shared moments. But after losing a child, the day changes. It no longer fits into a neat or predictable box.

Part of you may still want to celebrate. If you have other children, you may want to be present with them, to receive their love, and to honor the role you still hold in their lives. And yet, at the same time, there is an undeniable absence. There is a child who should be there and isn’t.

That tension can feel exhausting.

For others, the thought of the day may feel overwhelming. You may not want the attention, the expectations, or the reminders. Even something as simple as being acknowledged publicly as a mother can feel incomplete, as though an important part of your story is missing.

Learning how to handle Mother’s Day after child loss means recognizing that both of these responses, and everything in between, are valid.

Giving Yourself Permission

One of the most important things you can do as you consider how to handle Mother’s Day after child loss is to give yourself permission.

Permission to feel what you feel, without judgment.
Permission to change your plans if needed.
Permission to say yes to what feels meaningful, and no to what feels too heavy.

This day is not about meeting expectations, whether they come from others or from within. It is about walking through it in a way that is honest for where you are right now.

Some years, you may want to do something intentional to honor your child. Other years, you may want to keep the day quiet and simple. Both are appropriate responses to deep love and deep loss.

Your Motherhood Has Not Changed

In the middle of trying to understand how to handle Mother’s Day after child loss, there is something that deserves to be clearly acknowledged.

You are still a mother. That did not end when your child died.

Your love for your child continues, not as something that needs to be remembered, but as something that is actively present in you every day. It is part of who you are. It shapes how you see the world, how you love, and how you continue forward.

Even if others do not always recognize that part of your motherhood, it is real. It matters. And it is worthy of being honored.

Allowing yourself to acknowledge your own motherhood can be a meaningful part of how to handle Mother’s Day after child loss. It may look different than it once did, but it is no less significant.

Holding Love and Grief Together

One of the hardest parts of this journey is learning that love and grief do not take turns. They exist together.

You may find moments of gratitude and moments of deep sorrow within the same hour. You may smile with those around you and then feel a wave of longing that takes your breath away.

This is not something that needs to be fixed. It is something to be recognized as part of loving a child who is no longer physically here.

As I have walked this road, I have come to understand that the depth of my grief reflects the depth of my love. And that love has not diminished. It has simply changed form.

A Letter from a Mother’s Heart

There are times when words spoken from the heart say what we struggle to express. I want to share part of a letter I wrote, because it reflects what so many of us carry.

Honored to Be Your Mom

My child, flesh of my flesh, soul of my soul, part of my very being, I had an instant deep and fierce love when I first saw you. My heart was yours, and I knew I would give my very life to protect you.

And yet, here I sit, with the suffocating pain and darkness of knowing I was unable to protect you from death.

So now I find that just as deep and intense as my love for you is the deep and intense pain of my grief in living without you. And yet I know that somehow, I must.

As I continue to ask God how to move forward, I am reminded that I do not have to live without you. You are forever in my heart and my thoughts, forever a part of my very being. Our separation is not permanent.

And so I wait. I wait with hope and expectancy for the day I will see you again. Until then, I choose to live a life that holds both love and pain, knowing they can exist together within me.

On this day of honoring bereaved mothers, I can say that I am honored. Honored and blessed to be your mom, even as I continue to miss you with every part of who I am.

Taking the Next Step

As you think about how to handle Mother’s Day after child loss, try to bring your focus back to something simple.

You do not have to figure out the entire day.

You only need to take the next step.

That may mean getting through the morning. It may mean stepping away when something feels too heavy. It may mean allowing yourself to receive love from others, even when it feels complicated.

There is no perfect way to walk through this day. There is only your way.

A Gentle Closing

If Mother’s Day feels especially heavy this year, I want you to know that you are seen. Your love is seen. Your child is not forgotten.

You are carrying something that is both deeply painful and deeply meaningful.

As you move through this day, may you find the strength you need for each moment, and may there be small glimpses of peace as you honor the child who will always be part of you.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 347. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Click here to start Reflections of Hope – a full year of daily encouragement.

Click here for information on the GPS Hope & Healing Cruise.

Click here to sponsor an episode of your child.

To support this podcast and, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content, visit us on Patreon.

If you’re walking this road after the loss of your child and would like something to come alongside you, I’ve created a gentle resource from my own journey that you are welcome to download below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

If you are here after reading Part One, you already know how deeply grief can shake your faith and why trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child. As we continue, we are going to look at something just as important, which is how God can strengthen you through the pain of child loss, even when your world feels like it has completely fallen apart.

This is not about trying to make the pain meaningful or calling it good. There is nothing good about losing your child. But Scripture gently shows us that even in suffering, God is still at work.

We return again to 1 Peter 5:10–11, which reminds us that after we have suffered a while, God Himself will perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle us. These are not just words to read and move past. They are promises we can slowly begin to lean into, even when everything in us feels weak.

Perfected: Brought to a Place of Maturity

When the verse says God will perfect us, it means He is bringing us to a place of maturity and fullness. Not perfection in the way we often think of it, but a deep, steady work within us that leads to something lasting.

This can feel hard to accept, especially when the cost has been so great. But just as Jesus learned obedience through the things He suffered, there is something that happens within us when we walk through suffering with Him.

We don’t rejoice in the pain itself. But we can begin to recognize that God is doing something in us through it.

This is one way we start to understand how God can strengthen you through the pain of child loss. Even when life feels broken, He is still bringing something to completion within you.

Established: Becoming Unshakable in Him

After the death of your child, everything can feel unstable. What once felt secure may now feel uncertain. Your thoughts may feel scattered, and your emotions may shift from moment to moment.

But God’s desire is to establish you, making you unshakable, not in your circumstances, but in Him.

He is establishing your life in His truth, in His love, and in His purpose for you. Read that again, slowly, taking time to think about each one. 

Over time, even in the middle of grief, something begins to take root more deeply. This does not mean the pain goes away. It means your foundation is becoming stronger than the storm.

And slowly, you begin to see how God can strengthen you through the pain of child loss by anchoring you in something that cannot be taken from you.

Strengthened: Not by Your Effort, But by His Joy

We often think that strength is something we have to find within ourselves. But Scripture tells us something different.

The joy of the Lord is your strength.

This is not about how joyful you feel. It is about His joy over you! It is the Lord’s joy that can be our strength. 

Even now, in your grief, God delights in you. He sees you. He is near to you. He is not disappointed in your struggle or your questions. And as you begin to let that truth settle into your heart, something shifts. Strength begins to rise, not because you are trying harder, but because you realize how deeply you are being held.

This is a powerful part of how God can strengthen you through the pain of child loss. Your strength comes from Him carrying you, not from your ability to carry this on your own.

Strength That Reaches Beyond You

There is also something else happening as God strengthens you. In time, and often very slowly, that strength begins to overflow into the lives of others. 

You may not feel ready for that right now, and that is okay. But there may come a moment when you are able to sit with another grieving parent and simply understand. Not fix. Not explain. Just be there.

And that kind of presence carries a depth that only comes through lived experience.

This, too, is part of how God can strengthen you through the pain of child loss, by allowing your story to bring comfort and hope to someone else walking a similar path.

Settled: Living on a Firm Foundation

To be settled means to be placed on a firm foundation.

After losing your child, it can feel like everything has collapsed beneath you. The life you knew is gone, and you are left trying to figure out how to move forward.

But God is still building.

He is gently setting your life on a foundation that is rooted in Him. A place where, even though the winds and waves continue, you are not completely undone.

Part of this settling is learning to live with unanswered questions. We may never fully understand why this happened. And even if we did, it would not remove the ache.

Peace does not come from knowing why. It comes from knowing Him.

And as you begin to rest in who He is, you will slowly see how God can strengthen you through the pain of child loss by giving you a steadiness that you didn’t think was possible.

Learning to Live with What Is Missing

My daughter, Becca, had her left leg amputated when she was only three years old, because of bone cancer. (You can read her story here.) We had a front row seat to what it was like to live with a part of you missing – part of you cut off. 

Losing a child is like an amputation. It is losing a part of yourself.

It is as if something has been cut away, and you are left learning how to live with that absence. There will always be reminders. There will always be moments when the grief feels fresh and overwhelming.

But it is possible to learn how to live a meaningful life, even with that part missing. Not because you have moved on, but because God is helping you move forward.

This is another way we see how God can strengthen you through the pain of child loss, by giving you the ability to keep going, even when you never thought you could.

A Gentle Invitation to Rest

As we come back to this passage in 1 Peter, we see that everything is held within God’s grace and His glory.

His grace is His divine empowerment in your life. His glory is the fullness of His goodness. And both are still present for you.

Even in this.

Even now.

So instead of trying to understand everything, perhaps the invitation today is simply to rest. To stop striving for answers. To stop feeling like you have to hold everything together and to allow yourself to be held by Him.

A Quiet Step Forward

You do not have to do this perfectly. You do not have to feel strong in order to be strengthened. You do not have to understand what God is doing to trust that He is still working. Because even now, even in the ongoing pain of missing your child, God is faithfully doing what He promised.

He is perfecting you.
He is establishing you.
He is strengthening you.
He is settling you.

And as you take each step forward, no matter how small, you are being carried by a love that has not let go of you.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 346. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Click here for information on the GPS Hope & Healing Cruise.

To support this podcast and, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content, visit us on Patreon.

If you’re walking through life after the loss of your child and would like a little gentle support, I’ve created a guide you’re welcome to dowload below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

If you have ever wondered why trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child, you are not alone. There is something about this kind of loss that doesn’t just break our hearts. It can shake the very foundation of what we believed about God, faith, and how life was supposed to work.

When our child dies, we are not just grieving their absence. We are also trying to make sense of a reality that feels impossible to understand. And somewhere in the middle of that pain, we are left asking questions that we may have never asked before.

Can I still trust God?
Is He really good?
Why didn’t He stop this?

These are not signs of weak faith. They are the honest cries of a shattered heart.

When Life Doesn’t Match What We Believed

For many of us, we have spent years building a foundation of faith. We have read the Scriptures, prayed, believed for healing, and trusted God to move in powerful ways. We know the verses. We know the promises.

And then our child dies.

Suddenly, everything we thought we understood feels uncertain. This is one reason why trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child; because our lived experience doesn’t seem to line up with what we believed should happen.

Scripture tells us that God is our healer. It tells us He is good. It tells us He is powerful. And yet, we are living in a reality where our child is no longer here.

That tension is real. And it can feel unbearable.

What Scripture Actually Says About Suffering

There is a passage that God has taken me back to again and again:

1 Peter 5:10–11 tells us that after we have suffered a while, God Himself will perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle us.

That means something that we don’t always want to acknowledge. Suffering is part of this life.

We live in a fallen world, and because of that, pain and loss are realities we cannot escape. Even Jesus told us that in this world we would have trouble. The Bible does not ignore suffering. In fact, it speaks of it often.

The book of 1 Peter alone mentions suffering multiple times in just a few chapters.

This matters, because if we don’t understand that suffering exists within God’s larger story, then when it touches our lives so deeply, our faith can feel like it’s falling apart.

And that is often why trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child. We weren’t prepared for this kind of pain to be part of our story.

Grace and Glory in the Middle of Pain

What has helped me is understanding that this passage about suffering is not separate from God’s grace and His glory. Instead, it is surrounded by it.

God’s grace is not just unmerited favor. It is His divine empowerment. It is His strength made available to us when we have none of our own.

And His glory is the fullness of His goodness. We see this in Exodus 33. When Moses told the Lord to “show me your glory,” God’s response was, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you.”

So even in suffering, we are not abandoned. We are still within His grace. Still held in His goodness.

That doesn’t take away the pain. But it does remind us that we are not alone in it.

When Faith Feels Like It Failed

There were moments in my own journey when I believed with everything in me for a certain outcome. I trusted God for healing. I prayed with confidence.

And when things did not turn out the way I believed they would, I felt blindsided.

Maybe you know that feeling.

It can make you question everything; your faith, your prayers, even your relationship with God. This is another reason why trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child. It can feel like something didn’t work the way it was supposed to.

But over time, God gently showed me something that changed everything.

My faith was not meant to be in the outcome I was hoping for. My faith (my trust) was meant to be in Him.

Not in what He would do. But in who He is.

Learning to Trust Without Understanding

There is a place we come to in grief where we realize that we may not get the answers we are asking for. At least not on this side of heaven. And that is incredibly hard because we want to understand. We want a reason. We want something that makes this make sense.

But trust is not built on having all the answers. Trust is built on knowing intimately the One we are trusting.

This is where surrender begins.

Not a surrender that says, “This is okay,” because it’s not. The death of your child will never be okay. It is a surrender that says, “God, I don’t understand… but I am choosing to keep coming to You anyway.”

Knowing Him in the Deepest Places

Philippians 3:10 talks about knowing Christ, not only in the power of His resurrection, but also in the fellowship of His sufferings.

Most of us would gladly choose the resurrection power. But the fellowship of suffering is where we come to know Him in a deeper, more intimate way.

Not because suffering is good. But because in our deepest pain, we often encounter God in ways that we never have before.

Still, that does not make it easy. And it does not remove the reality that trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child.

You Are Not Failing

If your trust feels fragile right now, it does not mean that you are failing.

If your prayers feel uncertain, it does not mean that you are doing something wrong.

If you have questions, doubts, or even moments of anger toward God, you are not alone.

You are responding to something that is profoundly painful.

And God is not afraid of your questions. He is not pushing you away because your faith feels shaky.

He is inviting you to come close—even in the middle of it.

A Gentle Step Forward

If all you can do right now is whisper a prayer, that is enough. If all you can do is sit in silence with God, that is enough. If all you can do is say, “I don’t understand,” that is enough.

Because this journey of trusting Him is not about having it all figured out. It is about staying connected to Him, one small step at a time.

And even when trusting God feels so hard after the death of your child, He is still there, steady, present, and holding you through every moment.

Next time, we will continue looking at this same passage in 1 Peter 5:10–11 and begin to explore what God is doing within us through our suffering. How He gently rebuilds, strengthens and establishes us, even when life feels forever changed.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 345. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Click here to get your copy of Reflections of Hope: May Edition.

Click here to start Reflections of Hope – a full year of daily encouragement, one day at a time

Click here to register for the Bereaved Mother’s Day Luncheon.

Click here to support the podcast and join Laura on Patreon for extra content

To support this podcast and, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content, visit us on Patreon.

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.