One of the loneliest parts of becoming a pareavor is realizing that life has changed in ways most people around you cannot fully understand. When no one understands your pain after child loss, it can feel like a second loss layered on top of the first. Not only are you grieving the death of your precious child, but you may also be grieving the loss of feeling understood by the people around you.

The truth is, most people genuinely care. They love us. They hurt for us. But unless someone has buried their own child, they cannot truly comprehend the depth of this kind of pain.

And honestly, before my daughter died, I did not understand it either.

The Moment Everything Changes

There is something about the moment we learn our child has died that becomes permanently etched into our memory.

Many of us can tell you exactly where we were, what we were doing, who was with us, and even details that seem insignificant years later. It is as though time itself stops, and that moment becomes frozen forever.

One moment life feels normal. The next moment, everything changes.

Many grieving parents describe entering a darkness they never knew existed. Suddenly, the future we imagined disappears. The life we knew no longer exists. The person we used to be feels lost somewhere in the devastation.

When no one understands your pain after child loss, that darkness can feel even deeper because we begin carrying not only our grief, but also a profound sense of isolation.

Why Others Cannot Fully Understand

One of the hardest truths for grieving parents to accept is that most people will never fully understand our loss.

That is not because they don’t care.

It is because child loss is something that cannot truly be understood from the outside.

Even among bereaved parents, every loss is different. I cannot fully understand your loss, because the relationship with your child was different than mine, your child was different  from mine, their age was probably different, and so on. But that also means you cannot fully understand mine. We may share similar emotions, but every child is unique and every grief journey is deeply personal.

Realizing this can actually bring a measure of freedom.

When we stop expecting people to fully understand what they cannot understand, we can begin to appreciate their love and support without placing impossible expectations on them.

Many people want to help. They simply do not know how.

The Gift of Being Present

One of the things I have learned over the years is that grieving parents rarely need perfect words.

In fact, there usually are no perfect words.

When our child dies, we do not need someone to explain our pain away or offer solutions. We do not need someone to tell us how to feel or how long our grief should last.

What we need is presence.

We need someone willing to sit with us in the darkness.

We need someone willing to listen.

We need someone willing to acknowledge that our child lived and mattered.

Sometimes the most comforting words someone can offer are simply, “I cannot imagine your pain, but I am here.”

That kind of presence speaks louder than any speech ever could.

Why Other Pareavors Matter So Much

This is one reason that connecting with other bereaved parents can be so powerful. When no one understands your pain after child loss, meeting another parent who has walked this road can feel like finally taking a deep breath after holding it for far too long.

Another pareavor understands why certain dates can undo us. They understand why hearing our child’s name is a gift. They understand why a simple question like, “How many children do you have?” can suddenly leave us speechless. They understand why years later we can still be caught off guard by a wave of grief.

Most importantly, they help remind us that we are not alone.

There is tremendous comfort in discovering that someone else has felt what we are feeling and survived it.

When Grief Makes You Feel Like You Are Losing Yourself

Many grieving parents begin wondering if something is wrong with them.

• Why can’t I focus?
• Why do I forget things?
• Why am I so exhausted?
• Why do I feel disconnected from everyone around me?

The reality is that profound grief affects every part of us.

Our minds struggle to process information. Our emotions become overwhelming. Simple tasks can feel impossible. Many of us find it difficult to read, concentrate, or even follow a conversation for very long.

When no one understands your pain after child loss, these experiences can make you feel even more isolated. That is why it is so important to hear from others who have walked this journey before us. Whether through books, support groups, podcasts or personal relationships, finding validation can bring a needed measure of healing.

Sometimes one of the greatest gifts another grieving parent can give us is simply the reassurance that we are not going crazy.

We are grieving.

Does God Understand?

For many parents, one of the deepest struggles after child loss is wondering where God is in the middle of all this pain.

Maybe you are angry with Him.

Maybe you feel abandoned.

Maybe you used to sense His presence, but now you feel nothing.

These are honest questions, and many grieving parents wrestle with them.

One truth that has brought comfort to countless bereaved parents is that God understands what it is like to lose a Son.

He watched Jesus suffer. He watched Him die. God understands the pain of losing a child in a way that no one else ever can.

That does not remove our questions or erase our grief, but it reminds us that we are not alone in it.

When no one understands your pain after child loss, God does.

Finding Comfort in God’s Word

Sometimes after our child dies, we long to hear God’s voice in some dramatic way. We want answers. We want explanations. We want relief.

Yet often, God meets us quietly through His Word. Verses about comfort, peace, mourning, hope, and His presence begin speaking directly into our pain.

One passage that has brought comfort to many grieving parents is Psalm 139, which reminds us that all the days ordained for us were written in God’s book before one of them came to be.

That truth may not answer every question, but it can help calm some of the endless “what ifs” and “if onlys” that often torment a grieving parent’s heart.

You Are Not Alone

If you are struggling because no one seems to understand your grief, I want you to know something.

You are not alone. There are other pareavors who understand. There are others who know what it is like to miss their child every single day. There are others who understand the loneliness, the confusion, the questions and the pain.

And most importantly, God understands. When no one understands your pain after child loss, He does.

Your grief is not too much.

Your love for your child is not something you need to apologize for.

And even though this road is incredibly difficult, you do not have to walk it by yourself. There are others beside you, and there is a God who continues to carry you, one step at a time.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 351. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Click here for information on the GPS Hope & Healing Cruise.

Click here to find out more about the word pareavor.

To support this podcast and, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content, visit us on Patreon.

If you’re walking this road after the loss of your child and would like something to come alongside you, I’ve created a gentle resource from my own journey that you are welcome to download below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

After the death of our child, many of us as pareavors feel like we have been thrown into the middle of a violent storm. The waves of grief crash over us without warning. Fear, confusion, exhaustion, and unanswered questions can leave us feeling overwhelmed and unsure if we will ever feel steady again.

In those moments, it can also become difficult to know where Jesus is.

Sometimes we may quietly wonder why God allowed this storm into our lives in the first place. We were following Him. Trusting Him. Trying to live for Him. Yet somehow, we still found ourselves in the darkest place imaginable.

Recently, my attention was called to the story of Jesus walking on water, which spoke so deeply to me when it comes to finding Jesus in the storm after child loss.

The Disciples Were Exactly Where Jesus Sent Them

One detail in this story is often overlooked. The disciples were in the storm because Jesus told them to get into the boat.

They were not out of God’s will.
They were not being punished.
They were not abandoned.

They were exactly where Jesus had sent them.

As grieving parents, this can be difficult to reconcile. Somewhere along the way, many of us picked up the idea that if we walk closely with God, our lives should somehow become safer from tragedy. Then our child dies, and suddenly everything we thought we understood about faith can feel shattered.

But the storm was not proof Jesus had left the disciples.
And the storm in your life is not proof He has left you either.

When we begin finding Jesus in the storm after child loss, we slowly realize that His presence is not determined by how calm life feels around us.

Jesus Walked on What Terrified Them

The disciples were experienced fishermen, yet Scripture says they were terrified. The wind was violent. The waves battered the boat. And then, in the middle of the darkness, Jesus came walking toward them on the water.

Think about that for a moment.

The very thing threatening the disciples was beneath His feet. The storm that felt overwhelming to them was completely under His authority.

Jesus did not wait for the storm to end before coming near. He walked right across the waves. He didn’t walk across calm waters. It was those same stormy waves that were under His feet. 

As pareavors, we often desperately want God to remove the storm. We want the pain to stop. We want answers. We want relief from the crushing ache of missing our child.

But finding Jesus in the storm after child loss often happens when we discover He is willing to come directly into our pain instead of standing at a distance from it.

He is not intimidated by your grief.
He is not afraid of your questions.
He is not overwhelmed by your sorrow.

Fear Can Distort What We See

The disciples were so afraid, they thought Jesus was a ghost. Fear distorted their ability to recognize His presence.

Grief can do the same thing to us.

After child loss, many parents struggle spiritually in ways they never expected. Some pareavors feel numb when they pray. Others find it difficult to read Scripture. Some wonder why God feels silent when they need Him most.

That does not mean your faith is gone. It means you are grieving.

One of the most comforting parts of this story is that Jesus spoke immediately:
“Take courage. It is I. Do not be afraid.”

In the original language, His words echo the name of God Himself:
“I AM.”

The One walking toward them was not simply a teacher offering encouragement. It was God Himself standing above the chaos.

And that same Jesus still walks toward grieving parents today.

Peter Asked for a Word

Peter’s response has always fascinated me.

He said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You.”

Peter did not ask for power.
He asked for a word.

Real faith is not confidence in ourselves.
It is confidence in Jesus.

Sometimes after child loss, we think faith means being spiritually strong all the time. We may feel guilty when our emotions are messy or when we struggle with fear and doubt.

But finding Jesus in the storm after child loss is not about pretending we are strong. It is about continuing to turn toward Him, even when our hearts are broken.

Trust does not mean we never struggle.
Trust means we believe Jesus is still holding us in the middle of the struggle.

Jesus Grabbed Peter Immediately

Peter walked on water for a moment. But when he focused more on the wind than on Jesus, fear overwhelmed him and he began to sink.

And honestly, what grieving parent cannot relate to that?

There are moments when we feel like we are drowning under the weight of loss. The future feels frightening. The loneliness feels unbearable. The pain feels too heavy to carry another day.

But what happened next is the heart of the Gospel.

Peter cried out, and immediately Jesus grabbed him.

Immediately.

Jesus did not wait for Peter to become emotionally stronger. He did not lecture him first.
He did not stand back and watch him sink.

He rescued him.

That is grace.

As pareavors, we often feel ashamed of our weakness. But finding Jesus in the storm after child loss means understanding that our hope is not built on the strength of our grip on Him.

It is built on the strength of His grip on us.

Peace Came When Jesus Entered the Boat

Scripture says the storm stopped when Jesus entered the boat.

Not when the disciples became fearless.
Not when Peter tried harder.
Not when they finally “got it right.”

The storm stopped when Jesus stepped into the boat.

That truth matters deeply for grieving parents.

We can spend so much energy trying to figure out how to survive this journey. We search for ways to steady ourselves emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. But ultimately, peace is not found in mastering the storm.

Peace is found in the presence of Christ.

Finding Jesus in the storm after child loss does not mean the pain suddenly disappears. It does not mean we stop missing our child. It does not mean every question gets answered.

But it does mean we are no longer alone in the boat.

Jesus Still Comes Near

Storms still come.
Fear still rises.
Weakness still happens.

But Jesus still walks toward His people in the middle of all of it.

And maybe you need to remember today that the storm around you does not mean that Jesus is absent. The waves may feel strong. The wind may feel relentless. But the One who stands above the storm is already coming near.

If you are barely hanging on right now, picture Jesus walking across those waves toward you; not angry, not disappointed, not demanding perfection from you. He comes with compassion, grace, and steady hands that will not let you go.

As grieving parents, we are not held together by perfect faith. We are held together by a perfect Savior.

And even when your grip feels weak, His grip on you never is.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 349. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

If you are grieving the loss of a child, Reflections of Hope — June Edition and Full Year Edition offer daily encouragement, Scripture, and hope to walk with you one day at a time.

Click here for information on the GPS Hope & Healing Cruise.

Click here to find out more about the word pareavor.

To support this podcast and, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content, visit us on Patreon.

If you’re walking this road after the loss of your child and would like something to come alongside you, I’ve created a gentle resource from my own journey that you are welcome to download below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

Facing fear after the death of a child is something I believe every pareavor understands. After our child dies, fears suddenly show up that we may never have struggled with before. I know for me, after Becca died, one of those fears was the fear of losing another child.

Fear brings torment, and as parents grieving the earthly loss of our child, it is easy to feel the full weight of that torment. We can become afraid of moving forward with our lives because we worry that people will forget our child ever lived. We fear there may be moments when we don’t think about our child every second, and somehow that feels wrong. Some of us are afraid to laugh or enjoy life again because it can feel like a betrayal of the child we miss so deeply.

Then there are the fears we may not always talk about out loud; fears about our other children, fears about the future, and even fears about eternity.

When Fear Begins Controlling Our Lives

One thing I have realized is that if we are afraid of something, it begins to have power over us. If we become afraid to face the pain of our grief and work our way through it, fear can quietly begin controlling our thoughts, our emotions, and even the decisions we make.

As grieving parents, that makes sense. We have already experienced the worst pain imaginable. Of course we become vulnerable to fear. Child loss changes us forever.

But there is something more powerful than our deepest fears, and that is the love of God.

The Bible tells us that God’s perfect love casts out fear. I know that can be difficult to reconcile after the death of our child. It is hard to understand how a God who loves us could allow something so devastating to happen. I do not have easy answers for that, and I never want to give shallow responses to such deep pain.

What I have come to is this: either I believe God is still good, or I don’t. Either I trust that He is bigger than what I can understand right now, or I allow fear and confusion to consume me.

I still choose to believe that God is bigger.

A Shift in Perspective

One thing that has helped me while facing fear after the death of a child has been learning to shift my perspective.

Some bereaved parents do not like the phrase “losing a child” because they know exactly where their child is. I understand that completely. Personally, I know I have lost Becca from this earth, but she is not missing. She is absent from me for now, but present with the Lord.

That perspective changes things for me.

I can focus only on the pain that my daughter is no longer physically here, or I can remind myself that someday I will see her again and then we will never be separated. That does not remove the pain, but it helps remove some of the torment that fear tries to bring.

Perspective really does matter.

Bringing Our Fears to God

Another thing that makes a huge difference for me is prayer. Being able to take my fears and needs to God keeps me from feeling completely helpless in a situation that I have no control over.

For years I have said Jesus is not a crutch to me; He is my wheelchair. That has become even more true since the death of my daughter.

God is not asking us to pretend that we are not afraid. He already knows every fear we carry. He wants us to bring those fears honestly to Him, even the ones we wish we didn’t have. As we do that, fear slowly begins losing its grip on us.

Facing fear after the death of a child does not mean we never struggle. It means we continue turning toward God in the middle of our struggle.

Refusing to Stay Frozen

There was a time God spoke something very strongly to my heart: “Don’t look back.”

He reminded me of Lot’s wife, who looked back and became frozen in place. I knew God was showing me that if I constantly stayed focused on the crushing blow of Becca’s death, I would become emotionally stuck there, too.

That does not mean we stop loving our child or stop grieving. We will always love and miss them. But there is a difference between remembering our child and becoming trapped in fear, unable to move forward in life at all.

I believe God wants us to live. Not just survive, but truly live again, even while carrying the sorrow of missing our child.

Fear or Faith

One thing I often remind myself is that fear and faith both require believing in something we cannot see. It is our belief in the unknown.

I can choose to live in fear for my future, or I can choose to live in faith for my future; that God is already there and will help me through anything else that comes my way. 

Fear believes in the darkness of “what if.”
Faith believes that God will still be faithful to hold me, no matter what happens.

I have chosen to believe that if more tragedy ever touches my life, God will give me the grace I need to walk through it. Why spend my days consumed with fear over things that may never happen? I would rather live focused on the hope and light God still has for me.

That does not mean I no longer have painful moments. I still miss Becca deeply. There are still days when grief hits hard. But I refuse to remain focused only on what has been taken from me. I have given God the shattered pieces of my life, and I am watching Him gently bring beauty, strength and purpose out of those broken places.

Only God can do that.

If you are struggling with fear today, I want to encourage you not to hide from it and not to carry it alone. Bring those fears honestly before God. He is not afraid of your questions, your tears, or your pain. Even in this journey none of us would have chosen, He is still near, and He will continue walking with you one step at a time.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 349. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Want to honor your child by sponsoring a podcast episode?  Click here

Click hereto give an Amazon review of When Tragedy Strikes to help other pareavors know how much it helped you.

Click here to find out more about the word pareavor.

To support this podcast and, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content, visit us on Patreon.

If you’re walking this road after the loss of your child and would like something to come alongside you, I’ve created a gentle resource from my own journey that you are welcome to download below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.