The holidays can stir up deep emotions, and for many of us, this season brings a sharper ache than most other times of year. Everywhere we turn, we see reminders of who is missing. That’s why finding peace during the holidays after child loss feels almost impossible. Yet Scripture tells us that peace is not something we stumble into; it is something God offers, even in the deepest sorrow. As we walk through Advent, we are invited to pursue and receive a peace that guards our shattered hearts, even when nothing in our circumstances has changed.
In this blog, woven from week two’s readings from Hope for the Future: An Advent Journey for Bereaved Parents, we look honestly at the struggle and the beautiful, miraculous truth that peace is still available. And together, we will explore how finding peace during the holidays after child loss becomes possible when we lean into the One who paid the greatest price to offer it to us.
We Must Be Open to Receive His Peace
The Bible repeatedly instructs us to “seek peace and pursue it.” Peace doesn’t simply appear in the middle of our turmoil, especially when we are grieving our child. Grief scrambles our ability to feel God’s nearness, much like a radio stuck between stations. We have to gently turn the dial until we can once again tune into His presence.
Parents in the Bible knew deep suffering, too. Job, who lost all ten of his children, his finances, and even his health, expressed a trust in God that defies human understanding. He admitted that he didn’t know why his world had collapsed, but he chose to trust anyway. That kind of surrender is not passive resignation; it is opening our arms to the embrace of a loving Father who holds us even while we kick and fight through our pain.
As we walk through this season, finding peace during the holidays after child loss begins with acknowledging that peace isn’t found by having everything make sense. It is found in drawing near to the God who promises to draw near to us.
Shalom: God’s Gift of Wholeness
The biblical word for peace, shalom, means more than calmness. It speaks of wholeness, restoration, and a heart repaired in the presence of God. Peace is not the absence of pain; it is the healing presence of God entering the places where we feel the most broken.
Throughout Scripture, angels, apostles, and Jesus Himself repeatedly spoke peace over people. God delights in the well-being of His children. But He never promised a life without suffering. Instead, He promised communion, a way for us to walk with Him through our suffering, even when our hearts are shattered by loss.
This means that finding peace during the holidays after child loss is not pretending we are okay. It is allowing the Prince of Peace to bring His wholeness into our grief, even when we can’t understand why we are walking this road.
And He invites us to consider something profound: How might God use our child’s life, and the love that remains, to continue bringing goodness into the world? Peace often grows as we honor our child in ways that bring life, not darkness.
The Prince of Peace Leads Our Battles
One of the most comforting titles Jesus carries is Prince of Peace. In ancient times, a prince went ahead of his people into battle, proving his leadership and strength. Jesus leads the battle for our peace. Every war has many battles, and He steps into every one of them with us. Our strategy is probably not the same as His, and it may look like there are times when we are not on the winning side. But we know that the war itself, with the final outcome, has already been won.
Peace is not always passive; it is a weapon God gives to help us defeat the darkness that threatens to swallow us. Scripture tells us that the God of peace will crush the enemy beneath our feet. This means peace isn’t fragile. It’s powerful.
But receiving this gift often requires letting go. Anger, guilt and blame fill our hands so tightly that there is little room left to receive God’s peace. Many parents want peace but feel unable to release the things that torment them. Yet peace grows when we loosen our grip, even just a little.
Part of finding peace during the holidays after child loss is embracing the exchange God offers: His peace for our pain. His wholeness for our shattered hearts. His strength for our weakness.
When the One Missing Outweighs the Ninety-Nine
Jesus once told a story about a shepherd who left his ninety-nine sheep to go after the one. While we cannot go after our children, many of us resonate deeply with the weight of “the one” who is no longer here. That weight can make it hard to focus on those who still need us, such as our spouse, our other children, our friends, our family.
Surviving children often misinterpret our grief. Many believe, “The wrong one died,” simply because our sorrow is so overwhelming. Even if we cannot seek peace for ourselves, sometimes we begin seeking it for them. Peace becomes a way of loving those who remain.
And again, finding peace during the holidays after child loss does not mean that we no longer ache for the one who is gone. It means we begin allowing God to steady us as we learn to love both the child we lost and the ones who remain.
Winning the Battle in Our Thoughts
Our emotions may feel like the loudest truth in the room, but Scripture tells us that the real battle is fought in our minds. Isaiah 26:3 promises perfect peace to the one whose mind is steadfast. Romans 8 reminds us that a mind governed by the Spirit brings life and peace.
We cannot force peace into our emotions, but we can choose what we dwell on. When we even briefly redirect our thoughts toward God’s faithfulness, His promises, His love and His presence, peace slowly begins to rise. Sometimes the process is painfully slow, but it is a process, not a single moment.
This mental shift is one of the most powerful steps in finding peace during the holidays after child loss, because our thoughts are where God begins rebuilding what grief has destroyed.
Peace in the Rebuilding of Our Hearts
In Haggai 2:9, God declared, “In this place, I will grant peace.” He spoke those words as the temple was being rebuilt after being destroyed. We, too, are temples of His Spirit, and the loss of our child has torn down much of who we once were.
But God promises peace in the rebuilding. Not after the rebuilding is done. Not when we “return to normal” (which is something that will never happen). He offers peace while we are still fragile, confused, hurting, and learning to live a life that we never wanted.
And here is an unexpected truth: peace and pain can coexist, because pain is in our soul, but peace resides in our spirit. You do not have to choose between grieving your child and receiving God’s peace. You can do both. God is not asking you to deny your pain, but to invite His presence into it.
That is the heart of finding peace during the holidays after child loss: welcoming God into the very place where your heart feels the most broken.
Peace for This Season, One Breath at a Time
As we move through the holidays, peace may come quietly. Slowly. Gently. It may appear in brief moments as a softened thought, a calmer breath or a sense of God sitting with you in the quiet. Peace does not erase the love you have for your child, nor does it diminish the depth of your grief. It simply offers a place to rest while your heart continues to heal.
May you find small openings where God’s peace can slip in, and may that peace strengthen you in ways that you didn’t know you needed. You are deeply loved, and you are not walking this season alone.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 326. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
One powerful way to experience and share God’s peace after child loss at Christmastime is to honor your child in a meaningful, lasting way. To Sponsor a podcast episode, click here .
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.
Tracy’s daughter, Krysta, entered the world early and fighting for her life. Born with a severely underdeveloped intestinal tract, she went through six major surgeries in the first three months of her life. Doctors worked tirelessly, using every medical option available at the time, including total parenteral nutrition and multiple procedures to give her a chance at survival. 
Even though Krysta died in the mid-1990s, Tracy’s grief was still close enough to bring tears as he shared. He emphasized something so many of us experience in life after losing a child: grief does not disappear. It changes, it softens, but it never fully leaves. 
Anger, Tracy said, was one of the defining emotions of his early grief. Anger at the hospital. Anger at the circumstances. Anger even at God. And that anger reached a peak after a pastor told him Krysta would not go to heaven; a statement that wounded him deeply. 
After Krysta died, Tracy feared he might slip back into his old addictions. Instead, he made a conscious choice that he would honor his daughter by living differently. He threw himself into personal development, eventually becoming a coach and mentor. He discovered that helping others became a bridge back to his own healing. 
Do the tears ever stop? No.
Tracy Brinkmann is a father of four, a former military man, and the voice behind
