One of the greatest struggles we face as bereaved parents is trying to understand what happened to our relationship with God after our child died. You may have spent years believing that walking closely with Him meant that He would watch over your family, answer your prayers the way you wanted, and protect you from unimaginable tragedy. Then the unthinkable happened anyway.
That kind of loss can shake everything you thought you knew. It can leave you wondering if God has changed, if His favor has somehow been removed from your life, or if you’ve done something wrong. Several years ago, even before my daughter, Becca, died, the Lord started teaching me something that has helped my understanding of knowing God after child loss.
Moses and the Israelites Faced the Same God
Several years ago, as I was reading again about Moses leading the Israelites through the wilderness, something stood out to me that I had somehow never noticed before.
The Israelites witnessed miracle after miracle. They watched God part the Red Sea. They ate manna that fell from heaven. Their clothes never wore out. Again and again, God provided for them in miraculous ways.
Yet every time another hardship came, they questioned God’s goodness. They complained. They accused Him of bringing them into the wilderness just so they would die there.
Moses experienced every one of those same circumstances. He faced the same impossible situations. But instead of allowing disappointment to harden his heart, he kept turning toward God. He continued trusting God’s character, believing that the One who had been faithful before would be faithful again.
The difference wasn’t in what they experienced. The difference was in how they responded.
We Face the Same Choice
As pareavors, we eventually come to a similar crossroads.
This doesn’t mean we stop grieving. It doesn’t mean we stop missing our child or pretending the pain has somehow disappeared.
But somewhere along this journey, we are faced with a choice.
Will we remain trapped in bitterness because life unfolded differently than we believed it should? Or will we ask God to lead us out of the suffocating darkness and into a deeper relationship with Him?
That isn’t an easy choice. It often happens one day, one prayer, and sometimes one tear at a time.
What Does God’s Favor Really Mean?
For many of us, our understanding of God’s favor has quietly become connected to the blessings we receive.
We pray for protection. We pray for healing. We ask God to provide, to open doors, and to spare those we love from suffering. There is absolutely nothing wrong with praying those prayers. Scripture encourages us to bring every need before Him.
But Moses seemed to understand there was something even greater.
When he spoke with God in Exodus 33, he didn’t ask for more miracles. He didn’t ask for an easier journey. He didn’t ask that every obstacle be removed.
Instead, Moses prayed:
“If it is true that You look favorably on me, show me Your ways so that I may know You.”
That simple request has become one of my favorite prayers.
Moses understood that God’s greatest favor was not found in what God could give him. It was found in knowing God Himself.
When Child Loss Changes Everything
This is where our grief often collides with our faith.
If we’ve unknowingly believed that God’s favor means He will always keep tragedy away from us, then when our child dies it can feel as though His favor has disappeared.
Questions begin filling our hearts.
“Did God stop loving me?”
“Why didn’t He protect my child?”
“Did I somehow lose His blessing?”
Those are honest questions.
But over the years, I have begun to realize something that has changed how I view God’s goodness.
Perhaps His greatest gift has never been a life without suffering.
Perhaps His greatest gift has always been Himself.
That understanding can become one of the most important parts of knowing God after child loss.
Knowing God Instead of Just Knowing His Blessings
The Israelites knew God by His miracles.
Moses wanted to know God by His ways.
One relationship depended on circumstances.
The other rested on God’s unchanging character.
Circumstances will continue to change. This broken world guarantees that.
But God’s character never changes.
Learning to trust His heart, even when I cannot understand His hand, has become one of the greatest lessons of my own journey.
That doesn’t mean I have every answer. There are still days when grief catches me by surprise. There are still questions I carry that will never be answered on this side of eternity.
Yet I can also honestly say that some of the sweetest moments I have ever experienced with God have happened since Becca left this earth for Heaven.
Not because child loss is good. It never will be.
But because His presence became more real to me than I ever knew was possible.
A Simple Prayer for Every Pareavor
If your faith feels fragile right now, you don’t have to pretend otherwise. God isn’t asking you to have every answer before you come to Him.
Perhaps all you can pray today is the same prayer Moses prayed:
“God, show me Your ways. Help me to know You more.”
I believe that is a prayer God delights in answering.
As we continue knowing God in deeper ways after child loss, we begin discovering that His presence can sustain us in ways we never imagined possible. He may not answer every question we ask, but He faithfully offers Himself to us in the middle of our sorrow.
Looking Forward with Hope
As I think about Moses asking God to reveal His ways, I cannot help but think about my daughter, Becca.
She no longer needs to ask God to reveal Himself to her. She sees Him face to face. She knows Him in a way that you and I can only imagine while we continue living in this broken world.
As much as I miss her, I am reminded that God’s ultimate favor was never about avoiding hardship. Becca certainly didn’t. At only three years old she was diagnosed with cancer, had her little leg amputated, went through months of chemotherapy, and later endured ten years of heart damage issues that those treatments caused.
Today, however, she is beyond every effect of this fallen world. She is free from sickness, sorrow, fear and death. What we know by faith, she now experiences by sight.
That doesn’t lessen my grief. It doesn’t make me miss her any less.
But it does remind me that God’s greatest gift has always been knowing Him.
If you are walking this painful road today, I pray you will discover that even in the deepest places of grief, God is still inviting you into a relationship that suffering cannot destroy. As we continue knowing God after child loss, we find that His presence remains faithful, His character remains trustworthy, and His love remains unchanged, even when life here has changed forever.
NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 354. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.
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If you’re walking this road after the loss of your child and would like something to come alongside you, I’ve created a gentle resource from my own journey that you are welcome to download below.
AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.
To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.
One of the things that makes child loss so difficult is all the questions that come with it. We are suddenly faced with things we never thought much about before. Questions about heaven, eternity, and that what happens after death can become very important when our child is already there and we are still here. As grieving parents, we long for the day when we will see our children again, but we may also find ourselves wondering exactly what that reunion will be like.
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Moses, Elijah, and the Continuity of Identity
David’s Hope of Seeing His Son Again
There are moments on this grief journey when prayer feels impossible. As grieving parents, we know there are days when the pain is so overwhelming that we cannot find the words. We may be sitting quietly, staring out a window, lying awake in the middle of the night, or driving down the road with tears streaming down our face, wanting to pray but not knowing what to say.
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Jesus Was Praying for You Before You Were Born
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